Tonight, I am feeling really nostalgic. I was stressing really hard about all of the work that I have to do in the next two weeks due to my disgusting habit of procrastination. But I remembered that this is my senior year, and afterwards, I’ll be in college, where I won’t see my parents every day. I think I take that for granted, a lot. I also realized that I’ve pushed them away a lot. I regret that, and I know that I will especially regret it when I am alone. So I want to make more efforts my senior year to spend time with them. I want to not be frustrated with them so easily.
Anyway, my glasses were really smudged and I was looking for my cleaning cloth, which led to me looking through Judy’s room’s drawers for some reason, and I was looking at all the books on her bookshelf. I miss reading those books. The Magic Tree House series. Hachiko Waits. Ramona Quimby. Just those easy books that were all for fun. And that made me think.
I miss a lot of things.
I miss being a kid. Lying around all day and reading.
I miss not worrying about my weight, or thigh gaps, or arm flab, or butt fat.
I miss my Dad not constantly asking me what I did today to make sure I was doing work.
I miss not being a liar.
I miss drawing without caring if it was “good”.
I miss being bold and saying whatever I wanted without getting extreme anxiety.
I miss the thousands of friends I had, before I realized I was lonely. Before I was so eager to let friends go,
I miss being happy all the time. I miss being not depressed.
I miss having a clean report card.
I miss being Rebecca’s best friend.
I miss Judy being home. I miss my parents. I miss the days where I never screamed at them.
I miss having self control.
I miss singing and not caring!
I miss library trips. I miss shopping dates. I miss grocery runs.
I miss seeing movies with my parents.
I miss being the jokester. I resent being the awkward guy.
I miss wearing cute dresses. I miss my bangs. I miss my accessories that I so boldly wore. I miss my confidence.
I miss not being a spoiled brat who complained about everything.
I miss not having homework.
I miss not being addicted to the internet, when I didn’t spend my whole day in front of a computer.
I miss not being stressed.
I miss practicing violin.
I miss crying when I needed to.
I miss the old me.
I want to go back.